WAITING - JOB - PATIENCE

It's been far too long since I wrote my last post.

I've been back from Warsaw now for a little over a month, have been to Italy with my family and had time to chill, relax and enjoy the time with my family.

But as always or very often I start to think, over think and worry.

Think about the future, near future and the up coming steps.

Over Think what is coming next and what I have decided I wanted to do.

Worry about what I would want to do and when I will finally find and get a job for the summer to earn some money before I go off to university.

WAITING

Having to wait can be so uncomfortable and challenging - at least it often is for me.

But it can be a really great lesson for you as well and you can learn a lot about yourself and what is happening around you. BUT you have to be careful in which directions you let your thoughts go. A verse that comes to my mind when I start down spiraling is 2. Corinthians 10, 5-6 "We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete." Because if you let yourself fall into negative thinking it can easily happen that you start to get into a down spiral of self condemnation and a ton of doubting which could even end up in something similar to depression. To fall in something like this is easier then you may think and definitely not good for you or the people around you.

So this is my story of waiting in the past few weeks and what I experienced.

As I wrote before I knew that I was going to have to find a job in the summer - so I wouldn't get bored, could earn some money to do things I wanted to do and to be able to travel - as soon as I got back home to my family. I hoped that a certain job would work out, but it didn't, as you might have figured by now. So I had to send applications to various companies and stores to get a job. After around two weeks of sending out papers I had a trial day of work, no replies and negative replies. And at this point I pretty much had a complete break down. I was tired, mad and frustrated. Nothing was working out. I was focusing on what was not working out, not on the things I could do with my time or how I could use my time to do something of worth i.e. building relationships or being creative. Additionally (please don't get me wrong) my parents were starting to push me to send out more applications (because they could see in which direction I was going - having to much time to think can backfire!).

So that day ended up in an evening where (from my perspective) I was the most uncomfortable person to be around. I was very edgy and peevish. Definitley not in a good position to talk to -not even about he weather or something harmless. Thank God it was only one evening and not longer! When I finally was in bed and thought a little I thought-said to myself "Why do I worry and why do I think that I have to do everything by myself? Why do I so often think last that there is someone who is always ready to help and guide me...Why do I so often go to God last...WHY?" I then prayed and eventually fell asleep. The next day my mom and I went to the local job center (perfect timing) to get some advice and tell them I was looking for a job etc. It turned out it was just perfect timing, because when I went out of the first meeting the waiting room was completely filled (it was close to empty when I went in) and I got the last appointment for that day and month. I think it's fair enough to say that God had prepared this. He let me hit the bottom the day before so He could show me that He still knows what He is doing, even if it doesn't look like He knows.

Just to clarify, I don't think that I actually was depressive but definitely had to deal with selfcondemnation and doubts because I let my self worry - worry about finding a job, university and having a place to stay where I will be studying. And I really don'T want to know where I would be know if it wasn't for what came next.

JOB

I went out of the job center with a very vague answer "We will call or write you as soon as we have something to offer", I thought "Wow. Great, why exactly did I go there?" but then though "At least they have my information now, and if they actually have something they will let me know. The only thing I have to do is to TRUST God and do everything I can do until I get a job, send further applications and spend time with family and friends."


That day I got a phone call from one company which I applied for (thanks to a good friend) that I should come for an interview the next day. I went, had the interview and signed the contract that very next day. Not even one week later I got a phone call from the job center that they had a short trem job for me. I sent a mail that evening, called them and two days later I had the job for the following two weeks.

Patience

And this is where I am now. Working, again looking for the next short term fulltime job additionally to the other job and looking for a room/ a place to stay for university. But I am so much more relaxed and chilled now, not too worried about the next steps and still learing to TRUST God with everything in my life no matter what.

I am not claiming that I have fully learnt my lesson but I've definitley learned something. Once more trust God and wait.

...wait...

...be patient...

...and trust...