Settling In

As I mentioned in my last post I am starting to study in Erlangen to become a teacher for mathematics and english for "Gymnasium" (grades 5-12 & highest level of education before uni in Germany). Today I had the chance to go to my first SMD (a community/oraganisation for christian studens) fellowship. It was great to be surrounded by other young Christian and have a time of worship together. And I am so happy that Erlangen has such a big community of christian students.

After the time of fellowship it hit me - I am in the right place.

And I'm happy that I moved to Erlangen (in a great room with great flat mates) and finally fully at peace with my decision eventhough saying bye to my family was hard.

But we all have to learn to let go and to be able to start new things.

I've started with my maths introduction course at university and even had the chance to meet an old friend from my "home" town.

As some of you know, starting university is a fairly huge change to being a student in highschool or in a school where "your daily life is sorted out for you".  At least it is for me.

I have to learn how to:

• create an schedule in which none of the courses overlap
• budget my entire income and outcome
• plan my meals
• write in an academicly correct german or english
• schedule my day in an effictive way
• create time for the "important" things
• use the different university websites
• communicate with professor, tutors, mentors etc.
• live in a shared flat
• etc. 

And there is so much more I still have to learn to "survive" uni so I can actually be able to thrive though going to university. I want to do my very best so I can make a change now and in the future. I want to use my time wisely to not have to negelect any (important) area of my life.

You can pray for my start here in Erlangen (university + job). That God will show me how to get an organized structure into my daily life and also that I will be able to find a church here in Erlangen where I feel at home.

P.s.: If you have any further questions feel free to contact me

The start fo a new beginning

SO I found a full time job plus a so called mini-job.

And that is also the reason why I didn't have the time or energy to write a new post.

This job has been and exhausting and I was counting the days until I finally was done working there. But God was faithful and gave me the job and much more in the past months.

I'm preparing for university slowly moving out of my home and starting to build up a new home.

In the last 3 months I worked 3.5 jobs. STarting with a 2 week long job at a company as a secretary, followed by a 3 month long contract at a drugstore and a 2.5 month long contract at a fast-food-fish restaurant. Somewhere in between I started tutoring via skype.

I went through tones of ups and downs, wanting to quit but still enduring hours of seemingly worthless dehumanizing work. Isometimes thought, do they people even see that I'm a human just like them. It's really eye opening to work in jobs like that, because you learn to see people behind the counter and learn to view them as people of equal worth, you start seeing the things that happen in the backround so you can actually get what you need let it be the grocery store next door or the fast food restaurant down the street. The people working there are people like you and I and are doing their job the best they could possibly do and some of them actually love what they are doing, it's their passion (I know it definitly isn't mine). But now I can somehow sympathize with people working in those jobs. I hope I won't forget the experiences I had and the hardships I went through. Oh it definitly wasn't pleasent and I still am in a place of searching fro various things and learing to trust the Lord and learing to fall into his arms.

Although I have my flaws I know that He is working through and in me and I hope He'll use my trip to KIEL (north of Germany) to bring me closer to Him and that I will actually get to know more of is character and who He really is.

So I'm travelling it's a good feeling being up in the air again, flying to a new place and having the chance to get to know something new.

What will I be doing after that?

I will be moving to Erlangen to study. God put everything in place! SInce the end of July I have a room, passed the important english test for university and additionally got a job in university as well...the only thing missing is the right church, but I'm pretty much surroundedby other Christians, which is nice to have after being surrounded by non-christians for the past 13 years.

All in all I'm excited for the next chapter in my life.

WAITING - JOB - PATIENCE

It's been far too long since I wrote my last post.

I've been back from Warsaw now for a little over a month, have been to Italy with my family and had time to chill, relax and enjoy the time with my family.

But as always or very often I start to think, over think and worry.

Think about the future, near future and the up coming steps.

Over Think what is coming next and what I have decided I wanted to do.

Worry about what I would want to do and when I will finally find and get a job for the summer to earn some money before I go off to university.

WAITING

Having to wait can be so uncomfortable and challenging - at least it often is for me.

But it can be a really great lesson for you as well and you can learn a lot about yourself and what is happening around you. BUT you have to be careful in which directions you let your thoughts go. A verse that comes to my mind when I start down spiraling is 2. Corinthians 10, 5-6 "We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete." Because if you let yourself fall into negative thinking it can easily happen that you start to get into a down spiral of self condemnation and a ton of doubting which could even end up in something similar to depression. To fall in something like this is easier then you may think and definitely not good for you or the people around you.

So this is my story of waiting in the past few weeks and what I experienced.

As I wrote before I knew that I was going to have to find a job in the summer - so I wouldn't get bored, could earn some money to do things I wanted to do and to be able to travel - as soon as I got back home to my family. I hoped that a certain job would work out, but it didn't, as you might have figured by now. So I had to send applications to various companies and stores to get a job. After around two weeks of sending out papers I had a trial day of work, no replies and negative replies. And at this point I pretty much had a complete break down. I was tired, mad and frustrated. Nothing was working out. I was focusing on what was not working out, not on the things I could do with my time or how I could use my time to do something of worth i.e. building relationships or being creative. Additionally (please don't get me wrong) my parents were starting to push me to send out more applications (because they could see in which direction I was going - having to much time to think can backfire!).

So that day ended up in an evening where (from my perspective) I was the most uncomfortable person to be around. I was very edgy and peevish. Definitley not in a good position to talk to -not even about he weather or something harmless. Thank God it was only one evening and not longer! When I finally was in bed and thought a little I thought-said to myself "Why do I worry and why do I think that I have to do everything by myself? Why do I so often think last that there is someone who is always ready to help and guide me...Why do I so often go to God last...WHY?" I then prayed and eventually fell asleep. The next day my mom and I went to the local job center (perfect timing) to get some advice and tell them I was looking for a job etc. It turned out it was just perfect timing, because when I went out of the first meeting the waiting room was completely filled (it was close to empty when I went in) and I got the last appointment for that day and month. I think it's fair enough to say that God had prepared this. He let me hit the bottom the day before so He could show me that He still knows what He is doing, even if it doesn't look like He knows.

Just to clarify, I don't think that I actually was depressive but definitely had to deal with selfcondemnation and doubts because I let my self worry - worry about finding a job, university and having a place to stay where I will be studying. And I really don'T want to know where I would be know if it wasn't for what came next.

JOB

I went out of the job center with a very vague answer "We will call or write you as soon as we have something to offer", I thought "Wow. Great, why exactly did I go there?" but then though "At least they have my information now, and if they actually have something they will let me know. The only thing I have to do is to TRUST God and do everything I can do until I get a job, send further applications and spend time with family and friends."


That day I got a phone call from one company which I applied for (thanks to a good friend) that I should come for an interview the next day. I went, had the interview and signed the contract that very next day. Not even one week later I got a phone call from the job center that they had a short trem job for me. I sent a mail that evening, called them and two days later I had the job for the following two weeks.

Patience

And this is where I am now. Working, again looking for the next short term fulltime job additionally to the other job and looking for a room/ a place to stay for university. But I am so much more relaxed and chilled now, not too worried about the next steps and still learing to TRUST God with everything in my life no matter what.

I am not claiming that I have fully learnt my lesson but I've definitley learned something. Once more trust God and wait.

...wait...

...be patient...

...and trust...

My time in Warsaw has come to an end

last days in Warsaw - Poland

My time here has been really good! I've gotten to know so many awesome poeple here and just experienced hospitality and being welcomed on a whole nother level.

At Wilanów caste with Rachel

Being here has been a healing process and not necesserily an easy one. But I have to let new things happen, especially as I am in a season of change - my suroundings, myself and my outer being seem to be all changing at the same time. It's definitly dificult to see everything changing but it is good to know that God is in it eventhough I sometimes wonder where He is and where all of this is going to lead me.

Yesterday we were having a little BBQ with a couple of people from the YAM group I am attending and church. And one lady was then talking about how when we movve from one place to another there is always something that we will leave behind, something is sort of ripped out of our heart and is replaced with a part of the place and we have to let it happen and go through the grieving process of loss to let God make something even more beautiful and that our heart can grow bigger. While she was saying that I had a picture in my head that looked something like this:

(Let the hole be replaced by something new,
something even more beautiful eventhough it hurts)

Other from that this week is still going to be full of last visits and last days in school, including sleeping in school with grade 7 and just helping out whereveer I can. And by the end of this week I'l be back "home" (I'm not exactly sure what to call "home" anymore, it seems like I have so many homes by now) to be reunited with my family again - finally I have time again to talk to them face to face and catch up with my sister and spend time with her and my parents.

A lot has happened since I've started this blog, so much that it is almost mind blowing looking back where I was when I first started this and where I am now. My life has definitly changed for ever - dramaticly. I don't know where...but God knows. The only thing I really have to do is to trust Him and let go.

CONTRASTING EXPERIENCES

"having a bed to sleep in...
...having to  sleep on the floor
having to worry if you have enough food...
...being able to buy foor from the supermarket next door, whenever you want
having a big enough house to host 20+ people...
...looking for space to fit 5 people in a 3m^2 room/hut
having to wear the same set of clothes each day...
...not knowing what to choose from your closet
having two cars ready to get going...
...trying to find the shortes path to walk
having a thankful heart for every penny you find...
...freaking out where the 10 extra dollars went
having a warm or cool house depending on how you like it...
...coping with the freezing cold or dying heat
having to care for the people surrounding you...
...caring as little as you can about your neighbor
having to go to another family meeting...
...being able to meet the remaining family
having to try to get all children to school...
...irresoluteness of choosing the perfect school
having to remind yourself to be thankful for every little and big thing you've got...
...appreciating the little you've got."
~SAYA R.

I think often it's just a question of perspective, but I don't really know which life circumstances are easier to live in. It is shocking for me to catch myself thinking "I deserve this or that, I deserve living the life I am living" - eventhough I know better deep down in my heart. I know that this isn't the attitude I want to live life. Especially after being in Kenia for 3 months and experiencing to have little, sleeping uncomfortable but also seeing people having a lot less then me. Now being back in Europe it is hard to comprehend my experiences and how to deal with it wisely, to move forward.
I want to live a life being thankful for what I have, not wanting to have the attitude of needing more but praying "Lord, use my life to be a blessing and teach me how to use what I have wisely."

Meanwhile in Warsaw

buildings in Warsaw

As I wrote in my last post I am in Warsaw right now. It has been an awesome stay so far. Okay it has been wonderful and I do feel really blessed that I am able to be here and do the internship here.

Last week was more an oriantatin week of looking in which I want to go and what is possible. I ended up picking grade 5 and 11 Maths and grade 6 and 11 English, but I'm helping out in other grades and also in primary school (grade 3). I've even been able to teach my first 'real' leasson this past friday in grade 5 and have been able to help out in the other classes to and will actually help out in grade 7 in English talking about Canada what should be fun.

Apart from my internship my mom was with me the first week and we had the opportunity to go shopping in a really nice shopping mall called "Arcadia" - it's quite big, has a great food court, a big variety of shops and great window instalations. Also we had the opportunity to go to a ladies retreat from ICF Warsaw were I got to know some really amazing Ladies! Our speaker Karen was great as she was speaking about HOPE and it gave me many thoughts to ponder on and also tipps of how to get through pain, hurt or dissapointment (of which I am still batteling with). It was a great time of community and being able to enjoy some of polands beautiful nature.

two horses pulling our carriage

spring in Warsaw

After my mom left I just got busy with school and I don't even remember what else I did, days just seem to fly here, only 4 more weeks until I leave for home. So I have to try to get the most out of Warsaw and the people I got to know meanwhile. ICF also has lifegroups and one of them is on Thursdays called YAM which I have been able to go to twice so far. It's really cool to learn about the bible in this setting and just spending time with fellow believers. On Saturday we (some people from YAM) also had a little game night where we played "Castles of Burgundy" (a strategy game connected with luck) which was a lot of fun.
You can't believe how good it is for me to be in a community like this again, after leaving the international community from YWAM even though it is quite different here, but still a great experience. The other day I was able to go to the gardens on top of the university library here in Warsaw with Eszter from Hungary who I met through ICF, we had a really good time, and I am really thankful for the time we could spend together.

the view from the gardens

I'm excited for what is to come and what is awaiting me next, also how God will use all of my experiences in YWAM the good and the bad to glorify his name.

before a concert at the German embassy

Mombasa-Germany-Home and more

In my last post I posted one of my adventures, my dance adventure in Mombasa, but I had many more really awesome experiences in Mombasa, of which I could write many more stories.
One for example is we had the opportunity to go to one of the big trash dumps in Mombasa. We went there multiple times and by the end of our time we could actually see a change in the people we encountered and I know we left something behind. And through us going there now other Christians have the courage to go there and go there regularly do build deeper relationships and deciple the new Christian believers. And now to one of the most craziest stories in my life so far...
The first time we went to this trash dump we split up into smaller groups with a translator to be able to talk to a couple of people and just try to get to know them a little. I was walking around with ine of them and after talking with some ladies I wanted to talk to a man who had a restaurant, but he sent me and the translator dirctly to his wife, who had given birth to a child sometime that past night. I was kind of surprised and didn't really know why he wanted me to meet his wife and new born child. Well it turned out that they wanted me to give there son a name. As you might understand I was quite overwhelmed by this honor. So I decided to guide the conversation in a different direction to "not have to" name the baby, because for me this was a huge responsibility. But after they kept on asking me to name the Baby I finally gave in - meanwhile myhead is going what name should I pick which had a deeper meaning. So after a while I decided to name him David after my dad and after David in the Bible, because he was the lowest in the family and didn't really have a great starting point in life but ended up to have a really important and crucial role for the future which is now our past. Additionally to that David from the bible is concidered a man "after God's own heart", and that was something I wished for this child and prayed over it. What was even more fascinationg for me was that the second name they gave him was Peter, so this little baby boys name is David Peter to huge names in the bible and for me a huge blessing! And I really hope that he will one day be a man who will make a differnce, and will be able to bring hope to many more people in Kenya.
Here are some pictures from my stay in Mombasa:

a picture from Baby David Peter

blossoms from a Frangipani tree on the YWAM compound

a boat by Pirates beach in Mombasa

sunrises in Mombasa

one of the last days in Mombasa

Well after our amazing time in Mombasa was over I had the opportunity to still meet some friend in Nairobi the day we flew out and back to Germany. They we're amazing! They treated me with amzing breakfast, a crazy and really adventureous Safari walk (we got to see lions - my favourite animals - lying around 3 meters away from us, only separated by a fence) and a great lunch + Java's later by the airport.

the 8 year old orphan cheetah brothers

The flight back to Germany was good, againd a big thanks to Emirates for their great service! My family awaited me at the airport which was really nice and I was really happy to see them again after 3 months. We swopped suitcases so I had warm clothes for the cold weather in Germany. From the airport we took the train to Nürnberg. There we went to the ICF which was so friendly to take us in for the last 2 weeks. It was so nice to have a really warm shower again and we had a great kitchen, one everyone would dream of having themself at home.
The last two weeks with YWAM were O.K. eventhough I was really, really happy when I finally took the train back home after graduation. The night of graduation it self was really nice and I had a great talk with two really awesome ladies!

The next day it went home, back to my family + 1 and it was cool to have bed to myself again etc. All in all it was a good time, where I can say and I hope that I will be able to say that I can truly see Gods hand in everything. Something I really had to learn was that even when nothing seems to go right, you feel left alone, you're disapointed and/or hurt there is a God who will always be there for me and I can trust him no matter what, and I have to let go and forgive and not hold fast to things that will only amage me in the end. God will help me through it and is faithfull in bringing people in my life that will help me get through challenges. (Thanks to everyone who has helped me through challenges and everyone who just listened-THANKS) A vers that keeps carying me trough challenges is Proverbs 3,5+6:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on you own understanding, in all your ways submit to him, and he will mak your paths straight.

a german TukTuk

snowback home in the mountains during a walk with a new friend

After having time to realx a bit, meet up wikKth friends and go shopping in Austria with my mom, my sister and I went to Cologne to celebrate my birthday and Christmas together. We had a great Hotel with amazing breakfast and we could just hang out together which was really awesome! (Thanks for everything sis!)

Kölner Dom by night

on a bridge in Cologne 

On our way home I got to know two cool ladies, we had great conversations and I even was able to meet up with one of them again just 2 days ago in Paris. Which leads me to my next adventure: FRANCE - Paris
We as a family went to visit my sisters exchange family in France (near Paris) to finally meet them and just to get to knwo them. They were extremly hospitable and generous and we had a good time even though we didn't completly spoke the same languages :). I could pretty much see all the attractions there are in Paris, starting with the Eifel Tower, Sacre Coer, Mon Matre and L'arc de triumph to the Notre Dame, Verailles, the Louvre and Mona Lisa inside of it.
I can say I've seen a lot of Paris and if I am honest I don't quite understand the big hype around Paris, yes it has really famous architecture and art, but there are somany other cities in the worls that are much more beautiful and have sometimes even more to offer. Also Paris reminds me a lot of Rome and to me Rome has a bit more flair then Paris.

by the Pantheon

Versailles

by the Louvre with one of the amazing ladies from the train

We arrived at home yesterday evening and now I am already in Warsaw, ready for my next adventure: an internship in the German school here to double check if I really want to become a teacher (in an international setting). So let's see what this adventure has instore for me and what will happen next. Up to date I have been to six different countries alone this year, and I wouldn't have expected that at all last year... I was in Kenya, Germany, Austria, France, Czech Republic (on my way to Warsaw) and am now in Poland. Crazy how things work out and how God puts things in place!